I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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