There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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