I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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