I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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