All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize