why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
