Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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