I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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