I skipped work to stalk him.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
