Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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