I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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