If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
