Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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