Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
