I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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