he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
