69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
