It's like a parade of train wrecks.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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