Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
