Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
