she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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