i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
