Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
