My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
