Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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