he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
