so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
