best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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