theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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