she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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