i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
