My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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