I like my sex mixed with concussions.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
