Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
