Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
