is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
