Having a random hookup so left but love u
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
