is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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