Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have post one night stand depression
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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