When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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