Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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