this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
