SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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