Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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