the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
