Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
