It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
