You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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