Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize