gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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