Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
