oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you will always have a special place in my vag
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
