So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
