I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
