Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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