I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hate all girls vehemently.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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