This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
