Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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