I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize