Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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