he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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