just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
