dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
