That's when you crack a 10am beer
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize