im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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