I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
