I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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