i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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