I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
