Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
