benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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