Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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