I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
