He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
