I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
