if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
