1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
